White House Down’s Syndrome; Despicable Rock Rangers

Posted: July 3, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Olympus Has Fallen…ugh, we mean White House Down is the perfect trifecta disaster movie. Not only does the US Capitol get blown up again, again, again per neo-nazi Roland Emmerich’s wet dreams, but the movie bombs at the box office and with the critics.

We already have a black man running around diverting disasters on Pennsylvania Avenue; we don’t need to watch him pretend to be tough. Communist/Nazi types like Emmerich and his Hollywood Socialist enclaves can never make movies with actual realistic terrorists (Muslim extremists) as the antagonists. Hollywood’s unabashed disloyalty to American democracy shines through with their casting of starving North Koreans and/or rogue nonexistent elements of the US military as the bad guys. In real life, Jamie Foxx is a coward and Channing Tatum is as fucking stupid as he acts.

Disaster. Hopefully the caterers get paid. Which leads us to the next big budget “blockbuster” flop no one wants to see, because we’ve seen the entire formula a million times before: Disney’s Lone Ranger. In this 21st century version, John Reid, aka the Lone Ranger, plays side kick to the ever wise savage Tonto and wears a mask to hide his guilty white face in Indian country.

Johnny Depp’s face has grown tiresome. His acting is subpar. He continues his fake accents while on talk shows promoting his movies. The more ‘popular’ he becomes, the more tepid his performances. The verdict is in. People would rather see a cartoon than to watch Disney butcher an otherwise enjoyable script with deliberate horrible acting. Despicable Me 2 trounced The Lone Ranger in their opening weeks (Source: The Hollywood Reporter).

US Weekly calls the Pirates West of the Caribbean a, “clunky two hour grind” loaded with weak story telling. Depp is no joy either as he rolls his eyes and acts “kooky”  while in drag with a fucking dead crow on his head. There’s choo-choo trains and a feeble attempt at an action/humor blood transfusion that falls short. Critics call it “Cloudy with a Chance of Meat Balls 2;” Rotten Tomatoes gives The Lone Ranger 1 splatter.

Luckily, outlets like Red Box and Netflix will have this Disney jewel readily available in about 6 weeks for free with a redeemable coupon. Might catch it for a dollar.

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