The Day Our Brains Stood Still

Posted: April 14, 2011 in Uncategorized
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This is one of many stupid, worthless remakes of an otherwise Hollywood classic with the dimwitted Keanu Reeves staring off into space and speaking in monotone as usual. Oh that’s right, Reeves represents an alien race with superior intellect who can at will bore us into totally submission. This is Hollywood’s version of the original 1951 movie of peace and goodwill; Reeves’ character Klaatu, or Kuntface we’ll call him, comes to Earth to save the planet from George Bush and SUVs polluting the environment. Kuntface lands in New York City (not Washington DC) with the intention of wiping humans out of the precious food chain. Jennifer Connelly plays the stepmother of Li’l Bow Wow and as usual gets to pour on the waterworks by blubbering through out each and every scene. Will Kuntface in human form reach into his alien heart and feel our earthly compassion? By the end of the flick, we hope the flesh eating mico-robots will take out the entire human race to end our Misery. Yes, Kathy Bates has a never ending cameo as either Janet Napolitano or Janet Reno or someother fat Kunt licking dyke bureacrat with a man’s voice. “Yes Mr. President. As you wish, sir.”

So what’s the bottom line? Because of Surf Punk’s drolling dialogue and inability to actually act we can’t even squeeze out ONE HALF STAR from our disappointed arse. The only saving grace are the special effects and giant robot, but even that isn’t worth the 30 minutes spent fast forwarding out of scenes of weirdo sitting around in a hospital gown.

Stellar Evil Ted!

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