Hawaii Five foot 0 and other worthless a-holes

Posted: August 20, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,


Scott Caan is a little man. Scott Caan is shorter than Ryan Seacrest.

Scott Caan is shorter than Jessica Alba, who is 5ft 6. Scott Caan is so short that the Asian midgets on the set of Hawaii Five-O have to squat to make him look normal. Born of pampered Hollywood aristocracy, Caan has never had to work for a role in his entire tiny life. After a run of mediocre roles taking the back seat and high chair to more famous actors, Scott Caan now stars as Inch High Private Eye on CBS. Only Hollywood producers would think an actor who an 11-year old girl could body slam could be a leading or even secondary tough man character. When standing on the edge of the beach, he disappears.


Shorter than Pops. Should have eaten your Mini Wheats, punk.

Caan the younger’s acting is getting slightly better as he ages, but he was one of Hollywood’s biggest pricks on screen before wising up. Maybe he’ll get his acting chops down before Hollywood runs out of 4 ft tall actresses to put him in scenes with. Rumor has it the guy clocks in at 5ft 5, but Hollywood also told us that Rock Hudson was straight. You decide.


Scott Caan holds his badge way up there before shooting you in the knee.

Narcissism love they talentless self.

Hollywood is full of self worshipping shit for brains secularists. God knows they are in no short supply, so it is hard to single just one out for brevity’s sake. However, one of the all time worst condescending little pricks is Ian Ziering of 90210 fame. We don’t know what to say about this guy. He is so love in with himself he jacks off to his own reflection. He is a nothing- a zero. He has done nothing in his entire existence. The difference between Ian Ziering and pigeon shit is the white stuff.


Ian Ziering has never done anything – absolutely nothing- even slightly talented or worth pausing to take a glimpse at. It is hard to believe he actually got married last year. How could a woman love a man that only loves himself? Hollywood rumors flew about for the last 20 years that Ziering was gay. Understandably to the untrained eye his complete fawning over himself and Ricky Martin-esque fake smile may seem a bit homoerotic. However, there is only one ass this man wants to plug and it’s his own in a mirror while watching a younger version of himself in reruns of Beverly Hills.

Watching Ian Ziering on any program is embarrassing because he gets the same reaction from people caught off guard by his conceitedness. His last greatest exploit on the tube was being eliminated on Dancing With the Stars. Dance partner Cheryl Burke could barely keep her lunch down being around the guy. His condescension is pathological because he is an insecure hack.


Even alumni of 90210 hate his guts; Ziering is just another sawed-off jerk with a Little Big Man complex. They say Ziering, now 47, is 5ft 10, but that’s also hard to believe. The little bastard is the most condescending person on the airwaves, even though thank God, he is off TV. Let’s keep it that way, dude. Follow your hairline and recede into nothingness.

Asshole reacts to failed hair transplant.

Gay friendly shows your children are watching to turn them gay.

Lest we not forget the shit being spewed from Hollywood reprobates on primetime such as Will & Grace, Glee, Modern Family (many of openly gay Ryan Murphy’s production) and the disgusting Ru Paul Untucked Drag Queen Races. However, the winner of the sickest shit out there is the entire 100 episodes of Nip/Tuck, also from sexual deviant mind of Ryan Murphy. Women are mutilated, then sewn back together in a matter of hours after vicious attacks; dudes’ junk gets cut off as if nothing happened, and on and on. One enduring Nip/Tuck storyline involved the main character’s 20-something son hanging out with a transgender fat slob for a full season, while he experimented with his own sexuality. The kid got a BJ along the way from a dude and was impressed. It is just fucking sick.


These shows aren’t about average homosexual couples living normal lives and going about their business. These shows downplay human suffering while glamorizing misogyny, perversion and brutality. The sickos that produce and write this shit are promoting sexual deviancy and are hostile to normal human behavior. They need to be moved to an island preferably around the Arctic Circle near some friendly polar bears and left to fend for themselves. Now that would make for good television.

Talentless is the new talented.

What in the hell? Is this the “If Retards Could Sing” channel?

We compiled a quick list of the sorriest pieces of human debris to every make it in front of the camera. These are the actors/actresses who, when you see them on TV or in a movie, you change the channel or get up and leave. They have no talent or they’re just so friggin’ bland, irritating and worthless you’d rather watch Scooby Doo or the Dukes of Hazzard.


These are the people that beg the question: “don’t you just want to kick my face in?

Alyson Hannigan

Joey Fatone

Toper Grace, et al of That 70's Pot Heads

talentless Johnathan Silverman

Other random assholes and horrible actors of Joss Whedon's machinations.

Kathy Griffin

Even more of the talentless from Joss Whedon's pool of bad actors.

the uppity Gregory Alan Williams, always ignorant, always token.

Tim Allen learned some prison skills, ho ho ho. 

Anybody and everybody from the hippie-proud Laugh In era.

Whoopie Goldberg


illiterate Ving Rhames

illiterate Vin Diesel

French Stewart

Vince McMahon and his “professional” wrestling franchise, aka the male soap opera.

We’re sure we’re leaving out a few hundred off this list, but THE WINNER is:  

Did you go to high school with a guy exactly like this?

Quote of the month on the Ryan Dunn car fatality:

“Real friends don’t let Jackasses drive drunk”- Roger Ebert


A single tear rolls down my cheek.

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