Blame it on “Rio” (2011)

Posted: April 23, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Brazilian born director Carlos Saldanha of the Ice Age animated movie series takes his penchant for casting Hollwood’s ethnic D-list south of the border to his native slums of Rio de Janeiro.

The “kids movie” Rio miscasts a hodgepodge of Hood Rat and Jew Speak into an unpalatable assault on white people’s good senses.

There’s Jamie Foxx as a crooning canary but no Wanda Sykes? Oh no you didn’t!

Topped off with a nasty (white) cockatoo playing the bad guy that eventually breaks into a rap song. Only the inarticulate ghetto babble of Third Rock’s SNL alumni Tracy Morgan, as the drooling bull dog mutt who likes to shake his ass, is right on cue.

With voiceovers from the raspy George Lopez and other random characters of the Afro-Caribbean community, Rio is too colorful and racial for stupid little American kids to enjoy. In other words, Hollywood has deemed it as a box office success!

Watching this Hot Ghetto Mess reminded me that Mel Gibson is right: Jews run Hollywood. To pay tongue-in-cheek homage to their Zionist masters, the whiny Woody Allen clone Jesse Eisenberg (Zombieland and The Social Network) is cast as the indecisive main character Blue, one of the world’s last blue macaws. Eisenberg hones his jewy jewiness to the perfect irritating pitch as he pecks his way from being a domesticated pussy house pet to trying to escape poachers.

Blue is on a mission to save his species by getting’ some Latin Flava with that circumcised little parrot dick, during the backdrop of the Rio Carnival. Anne Hathaway (who in real life has as much sex appeal as a bulimic Polish gymnast) plays Jewel the love interest from the jungle. Doesn’t Hollywood know that all parrots sound like Gilbert Gottfried?

If I wanted to watch bird shit fly off the screen at me, I would’ve gotten the 3D glasses.

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